Sweet D Gray-man CRACK
by Usagi-Twins
Summary: Hello well me and my sister are having some of the D. Gray-man characters as guests and wanted to ask if you wanted to join but please don't flame us or get offended by any of this it is for LAUGHS so yeah we don't own anything boyxboy and some random pairings we don't own anything in here except the idea


**Candy: hello everybody as you can all can see this will be a crack fic so no offense in anything we say or do in this fic. **

**Choco: like she said random people from DGM and some friends will be on here so this is going no where it is just for laughs.**

**Allen: then why are you doing this? **

**Candy&Choco: *smack him on the head with a fucking dictionary* This is for LAUGHS! God how retarded can you get. I mean you're dating Lavi!**

**Lavi: HEY! I'm a blessing!**

**Choco: Right anyways we don't own D. Gray-man or any of its characters.**

**Candy: Onwards to the nightmare!**

* * *

Candy: *sitting on what looks like a giant candy beanbag* Hello everyone didn't think you would be here so quick! We're just waiting for the guests and I-

Choco: *crashes through the roof gets up before dusting herself off* They're here hurry up and pull the switch before dad answers the door!

Candy: SHIT! *stumbles of the beanbag and presses a button that was on a table causing a bunch of people to start screaming and smashing of metal and skin clashing together then slow Eire wiping sound starts getting louder. Finally looks up to see a bunch of clashed up people slowly sliding down the window vent*

Choco: I'll get the hose. *walks away into an elevator*

Ball of people: *Continues to squeak*

Candy: That's gonna leave a mark *walks away to find some candy*

Ball of people: *Continues squeaking until Choco starts going down but stops herself before hitting the people. Gets what looks like an emergency hose and flips the pedal on Making water hit them and start going down quickly*

Choco: *Starts climbing back up*

Ball of people: *Starts to untangle themselves to be separate*

Candy: *Walks back in with what looks like ice cream but its colors are rainbow* oh I guess Choco already did it. Hello everyone I can see you guys are quite confused just think of this as a torture show.

Group of people: What! *starts panicking*

Choco: *crashes through the roof Again. gets up and dusts herself off before looking at everyone but everyone is already looking at her* why is everyone looking at me- Oh and Candy dad saw some suitcase that belongs to Lavi and he is freaking out and * gets interrupted by a loud and scary scream* yeah as you can tell he's pissed.

Candy: Fuck I'll get the baseball bat.

Lavi: You guys have my bag I was looking for that!

Choco: *smacks Lavi on the head* Yes because of you our dad is going to kill every guy that even comes remotely close to this house.

Lavi: W-What!

Choco: you heard me but if Candy successfully knocks him out we're good.

Candy: *comes back* I can't find the baseball bat but I did find the sledgehammer. *lifts sledgehammer* So I'll be back in a flash. *leaves*

Choco: okay now to explain you guys are here for our entertainment. So prepare to do some random shit. First off what the fuck were you doing with a suitcase?

Lavi: I had something in there.

Choco: *sigh* Such a dumb ass I swear. Anyways all the guys please step forward.

Allen, Lavi, Kanda, Tyki and 2 unknown guys: *walks forward*

Choco: *Sighs and grab the two unknown people* You guys came! Go in there. *pushes them to a door that is decorated with candy and chocolate*

2 unknown guys: *walk in*

Choco: Okay now the guys will put this on. *Lifts some clothes that are like furry animal suits but it only has the ears and a shirt that covers the top of their chests but not the stomach then they had some furry gloves and also had some short shorts with the tails then had some knee high leggings with fur and had some stretchable shoes of the same color as the suit.*

Allen, Lavi and Tyki: *pales*

Kanda: Bitch I am not wearing that shit!

Choco: Oh really *smiles and a dark aura surrounds her and starts talking in her famous 'sweet' voice* How about I MAKE you put it on *Starts giggling then starts cackling like a witch*

Kanda: The fuck. *starts backing away but the lights suddenly went off and you can only hear Choco's laughter. Suddenly Kanda starts to scream but was quickly cut off. The lights finally came back on to see Kanda tied up but has the midnight black cat suit*

Choco: You guys better put it on *throws it at them*

Allen, Lavi, and Tyki: *stumbles but successfully puts it on. Allen has a white dog suit, Lavi has pink bunny suit and Tyki has a dark purple bear suit*

Choco: now the girls step forward.

Road, Lenalee and five unknown girls: *step forward*

Candy: *crashes through the roof landing on the five unknown girls* Our dad is successfully knocked out! *Finally notices who she's on on.* Oh hi didn't think you'd actually come. *gets up and helps them up and introduces them* Well these are our lovely guests that are also authors Noname-chan, Elvira Rayne, Pinapplebombgirl, Will of the Abyss - AllenxRoad and midnightstardust but we will be using nicknames so get used to it.

Choco: what ever the girls don't have to do anything.

Noname-chan: hey you said this will be funny and I will never miss that.

Piña-chan: If Lavi's included I'm there!

Vira-chan: Well its warmer here than at my place so it's all good.

Abyss-chan: Well I wanted to see what you guys would do Plus Allen's here hehe *starts drooling at Allen with the sexy doggy outfit*

Star-chan: YOU SAID YOU HAD SKITTLES!

Candy: yeah of course. JIMY DROP THE SKITTLES!

Jimy: *comes out of candy and chocolate door* Okay doing it now.

Candy&Choco: *pulls out umbrellas Candy has blue umbrella with candy design and Choco has a red umbrella but has chocolate design.* yeah we're ready.

Jimy: *pulls switch and goes back inside*

Candy: Thanks love! *suddenly it starts raining skittles and the umbrella starts making dripping sound.*

Star-chan: ITS RAINING SKITTLES YUS! *Starts dancing in rain of skittles*

Candy: *puts hand out and grabs a handful of skittles and starts eating it* Ahh delicious no?

Choco: you guys better protect your eyes if want to keep them.

Allen, Lavi, Tyki, Lenalee, Road, Noname-chan, Piña-chan, Vira-chan and Abyss-chan: *run for shade*

Star-chan: *eats every skittle that even comes close to her face*

Kanda: *still tied up and is drowning in skittles like the time he was drowning in glitter with VIRA (if you haven't read Viras crack fic go read it, it's hilarious!)

Candy: Now to eat SKITTLES! *Rolls all over the floor eating the skittles that fall*

Choco: I think that's enough so SAUL SWEETIE CAN YOU TURN IT OFF!

Saul: *Comes out of the same door that Jimy was just at* Alright. *Flips switch and the skittles stop*

Candy and Star-chan: *Notices the rain stop but just dives into the pool of skittles that formed and continues eating*

Choco: Thanks Boo!

Saul: No Prob'

Lavi: They're quite lovely with each other.

Noname-chan: No duh they are dating so is Jimy and Candy why do you think they gave each other such yucky nicknames.

Lavi: Well i guess that's true but i give yucky nicknames to everyone.

Piña-chan: You haven't gave me one.

Lavi *Backs away* Because I don't know you.

Piña-chan: Then lets get to know each other *tries to get Lavi's arm but he runs away* COME BACK! *chases after him*

Lavi: NEVAR! *continues running until a cupcake is shot to his face making him fall*

Piña-chan: CHANCE *jumps on him and puts a collar on him* Thanks Abyss-chan!

Abyss-chan: *Blows smoke out of her cupcake cannon* No problem I am the cupcake goddess after all!

Piña-chan: *Bows down* Of course now to get to know each other.

Lavi: Help me! *Starts getting dragged out of the room but a sudden gun shot makes everyone stop. The collar Lavi had falls of and he runs away from Piña.

Piña-chan: No Lavi!

Saul: WHO'D IT HIT!

Choco: It didn't hit anybody but it freed Lavi from Piña-chan's wrath.

Jimy: Sorry Piña-chan but Pepper and Jolly pressed the button.

Abyss-chan: Your pet monsters are here to can I meet them! But to bad I couldn't bring Mr. Chuckles.

Candy: I know they would have had tons of fun together!

Abyss-chan: I know but i still want to know what you guys are doing today.

Candy: Ah right well lets give you the tour.

Choco: Alright so lets start here. This is the lobby. Then that room is the torture chamber *Points to metal door Then walks down hallway with everyone following her*

Candy: That is the snack room and kitchen *Points to glass door where you can see a lot food*

Allen: *Runs into the door* Food~!

Candy: *Drags Allen to finish the tour* Come on we're not finished. This is the Weaponry room. *Points to room that has rainbow colors*

Choco: I'm going to need some go ahead I'll catch up. *Runs back to the room*

Candy: Well this is the gym or practice area yes we have one of these. *Refers to door that has swirls all over.*

Kanda: I'm going to visit this room a lot.

Candy: And the room Jimy and Saul we're in the one with the candy and chocolate designs is the control room.

Vira-chan: Control room for what?

Candy: Did you remember the gunshot.

Vira-chan: Yeah.

Candy: It does that and a lot more.

Road: That place sounds like fun!

Candy: And last but not least the library *Points to a heart shaped door that is colored checkered black and red*

Lavi: *Runs inside*

Candy: I guess we're visiting the library.

Choco: I'm back *Has a sports bag that looks quite heavy*

Candy: Hey *Walks inside*

Choco: *Walks behind her*

Everyone: *Walk in side to see mountains of books, aisles and some ladders as well.*

Lavi: I LOVE YOUR GUYS LIBRARY!

Candy: Yeah we share all the books between our family some is ours, some are our brothers, sisters, dad, mom aunts, uncles and cousins.

Lavi: *Picks up book that says 'Extreme Laven' in gold letters*

Candy: Don't open that! *Tackles him making him drop the book which lands in Kanda's hands*

Kanda: If it scares those girls it must be worth reading.

Choco: *Swings Baseball bat at Kanda making him let go of the book which goes off flying and lands in Lavi's care once again*

Lavi: AH HA!

Noname-chan: *Lazily leans on a switch which flips down activating it*

Candy: *Quickly hops away from Lavi. Lavi stares at her in wonder as she waves goodbye at him. Then a giant book slides to him and smashes him on the wall but his hand that is carrying the book is stretching out and is not smashed by the book and Candy takes it gratefully*

Candy: Nobody messes with us without getting hurt. Now to explore some more.

Lavi: *Somehow managed to get out from behind the giant book and walks behind Choco*

Choco: *Climbs ladder* Lavi if you want to know things that aren't published but our family loves you're going to love these books Candy push please.

Candy: *Grabs end of the ladder and starts running*

Choco: *Pulls book out of random slots and starts throwing them behind her for Lavi to catch*

Lavi: *Quickly runs behind them grabbing the books until they reach the end of the aisle. Reads the top book that says 'The boy who said he could'. Opens the small book and quickly starts reading seeing this as a encouraging child's book*

Choco: *Hops down* that's the book our dad made from experience.

Lavi: *Closes book* It's a nice book can I take these?

Candy: Of course you are coming back for the next show after all.

Lavi: Next show? Next show for what?

Choco: Never mind but I think it's lunch time shall we go make food.

Allen: FOOD~! *Runs out the door*

Candy: He does know _everyone's_ making the food right

Abyss-chan: *Sneaks through vent to catch up with Allen*

Choco: Well let's get going *Walks out to snack room/ Kitchen*

Everyone: *Follows and once they enter the room they all gape at the sight. Kitchen is all sparkly clean but has pinkish yellowish flowery and bubbles designs and everything is so bubbly and cute*

Candy: Yeah this kitchen's weird but we like it.

Choco: Now to cook! *Suddenly 7 tables come out of the floor and Jimy and Saul come in from a pink door that's next to the fridge*

Saul & Jimy: Hey. We just came to cook ourselves some pastries for Brownie, Vanilla, Jolly, Pepper and ourselves.

Candy: That's a perfect idea. Everyone bake your own pastries in a group of two but there is one group that is supposed to have three.

Lavi: I call Moyashi-chan! *Glomps Allen but actually wants to get away from Pina*

Allen: You better be a good cook. *Glares at Lavi and ignores the nickname*

Lenalee: I guess I'll be with Kanda.

Kanda: Che.

Noname-chan: I'll go with Road because she's awesome!

Road: Damn right I am!

Vira-chan: I'll go with Tyki then.

Tyki's thoughts: *She seems the most normal one out of their little group*

Vira-chan: I am not normal.

Candy: Jimy is of course coming with me!

Jimy: Of course Love~

Candy: God I love it when you say it like that.

Choco: Robo Poo~! *Jumps in Saul's arms*

Saul: *Catches her with a small smile*

Pina-chan: I guess that just leaves me, Star-chan and Abyss-chan. Where is Abyss-chan?

Abyss-chan: *Kicks vent open and jumps down next to Star-chan* I was on an Adventure~!

Star-chan: Oh! Well let's go make some pastries!

Everyone: *Gets to a table and start getting the ingredients from under the table. Start making normal pastries but some take quite a turn for the weird*

Lavi & Allen: *Are smudging each other playfully with honey*

Vira-chan & Tyki: *Vira's overdoing the glitter on the cupcake with one hand and the other is holding a camera that is taking photo's of Allen & Lavi and Tyki just puts the cupcakes in the oven with a 'I was wrong' Face.*

Vira-chan: Glaven~!

Tyki's thoughts: 'I was wrong she's the weirdest of them all!'

Noname-chan & Road: *Secretly putting some type of drugs in the brownies and are giggling like mad when they throw something at the other people to piss them off*

Kanda & Lenalee: *Are making some kind of flavorless cookies but Lenalee's having a great time cooking and talking with Kanda and Kanda is just being Kanda*

Choco & Saul: *Are making what looks like Chocolate chip and M&M cookies but Choco and Saul are covered in flour and are trying to clean themselves.*

Candy & Jimy: *Are throwing sprinkles and caramel at each other while making what looks like cupcakes*

Abyss-chan, Star-chan and Pina-chan: *Are making two pastries what seems to be cupcakes covered in skittles and pretzels covered in skittles for some reason*

Everyone: *Comes back to the center to show their treats to the others*

Lavi: We made Dango because Allen didn't want to make anything else.

Allen: You wanted that too!

Road: You guys should try our brownies!

Allen: I think I will. *Grabs one and eats it whole*

Candy: *Sniffs air and realization hits her* There goes Allen.

Abyss-chan: We made Skittle cupcakes!

Pina-chan: And Skittle pretzels!

Star-chan: Hehe Skittles. Taste the rainbow!

Choco: We made Chocolate chip mixed with M&M cookies!

Vira-chan: We made glitter cupcakes! *Raises cupcake and takes a bite*

Lenalee: Is that healthy?

Vira-chan: *Starts to cough glitter* It's *cough* delicious

Candy: We made some cupcakes with whip cream and all sorts of candy on there!

Lenalee: Well we just made some flavorless cookies.

Choco: I heard those were hard to make.

Lenalee: I don't think so.

Candy: Well let's go eat our treats with milk! *Grabs two gallons of milk out of the fridge and puts it in the table.

Everyone: *Gets cups and starts serving themselves eating it with their snacks. After a while they finish and walk out into the hallway*

Choco: What should we do? *A sudden scream cuts of her question and a crash behind them makes them turn around to see a tall buff man with a sledgehammer*

Choco: I think that just answered your question Candy RUN!

Everyone: *starts to run for a while until Allen starts acting weird and can't run straight till he trips and fall.*

Lavi: Are you alright Allen?

Allen: 'm fine is jus the floor keeps on shaking!

Lavi: Here I'll give you a piggyback ride.

Allen: *Gets on Lavi's back*

Lavi: * Runs to catch up with everyone. Ducks his and Allen's head to dodge the sudden swing from the sledgehammer.*

Allen: Lavi what would happen if I did this? *Licks up Lavi's neck slowly making Lavi get shivers and blush.*

Vira-chan: *Turns around to start running backwards and pulls out a camera to take pictures.* Glaven~!

Lavi: P-please don't do that Allen.

Allen's thoughts: *He didn't call me Moyashi and he said please I guess it's a good thing I'm a do some more.*

Allen: *Puts hands under Lavi's shirt and starts exploring around till he starts rubbing Lavi's nips*

Lavi: *Blushes and starts breathing heavy and starts slowing down.*

Choco: *Notices the situation at hand* Allen if you want to do that can you do it later and if you do I'll get you some food and a separate room.

Allen: Food?

Choco: Yes food so come on!

Allen: *Pulls out his hand and starts jumping up and down like he's riding a horse* Faster Lavi faster! We'll get a separate room and food~!

Lavi: *Goes faster for Allen can stop bouncing*

Candy: Girls we're going to have to do code 501. Lenalee and Road you don't have to do it.

Abyss-chan: FINALLY~! *Pulls out cupcake cannon and turns around to start shooting at the man's face. Runs away from the man's punch and keeps on shooting cupcakes*

Star-chan: Bye-bye my precious. *Loads machine gun with skittles and starts shooting at his legs making the man jump out of the way.*

Piña-chan: *Loads cannon with what looks like a pineapple and shoots it at the man's stomach and he crouches down in pain.*

Vira-chan: For the name of Glaven~! *Loads Glitter gun and shoots to the man face mixing with the cupcakes making him go temporally blind*

Noname-chan: CHARGE~! *Charges at the man in full speed with a shovel in hand but instead of hitting him she goes through his legs and the shovel trips him making him fall forward.*

Candy&Choco: GO! *Run towards the opposite wall of each other Candy left and Choco right and run up the wall somehow and jump off towards the mans neck and elbow it really hard simultaneously and knocking the man out* Phew now to get ride of him.

Candy: *Runs to someplace*

Choco: I guess she has a plan.

Lavi: H-How d-did you guys do that?

Choco: Easy it's called practice. *High five the other girls for doing a good job*

Candy: I'm back~! *Drags what looks like a human cannon behind her.* we're going to shoot him back up the hole!

Choco: Sure why not.

Candy&Choco: *Stuff man in cannon and aim it at the hole he came down from and get ready to fire*

Lenalee: WAIT!

Everyone: *Turns to look at her*

Lenalee: Well isn't it dangerous to just shoot him up there.

Candy: Pfft the wall is going to be more damaged than him he's fucking made of steel.

Lavi: Wait you know him!

Choco: Duh if you hadn't noticed he's our father.

Lenalee: He's your dad!

Candy: Yeah how do you think we fall out of the roof like that we're practically made of steel especially him.

Choco: Fire~! *lights cannon. It sizzles for a bit before it shoots him up*

Saul & Jimy: I swear he's the scariest man out the there. *Shivers*

Choco: Oh yeah to fulfill my promise here's a room where you can sleep and the foods already inside. *Gestures to the red door* Now go in there! *Pushes Lavi and Allen in there*

Allen: Yeah now we can be alone.

Vira-chan: *Throws glitter in the air* Glaven~! Do you have camera's in there please tell me you do!

Choco: Maybe~

Vira-chan: God you're such a tease!

Candy: Of course we are.

Choco: Well we have to do one more game before we leave. So just give them an hour or so.

*and Hour later*

Abyss-chan, Pina-chan: *Clawing at the door for hearing the moans for more than an hour* Why are you doing this to us!

Road, Lenalee: Eh I don't mind *plugs nose with toilet paper and throw away the other bloodied one*

Vira-chan, Star-chan, Noname-chan, and Candy&Choco: We think it's just fine the longer it is the more views it'll get. Plus it's hot.

Tyki, Kanda: Why is there so much MOANING?! *Rocking back and forth*

Jimy, Saul: *Have headphones on full blast not listening to anything.*

*Another thirty minutes pass*

Candy&Choco: God how long can guys last having sex with each other. Or they are some horny mother fuckers.

Everyone: *To lazy to do shit about it*

Candy&Choco: Well they are to long so we're doing something about it! *Storm away*

Everyone: Finally!

With Lavi and Allen. No we're not describing what EXACTLY their doing so don't get your hopes up.

Allen: *Moan*

Lavi: You're so cute~! *Stops seeing as the television turns on* Huh? * Gets up to turn it off but Candy&Choco Appear on the screen*

Candy: God put on some clothes shit man! *Blocks eyes with hands*

Choco: *Had eyes closed to begin with* Get your asses dressed you've been fucking each other for an HOUR AND AN THIRTY MINUTES HOW FUCKING HORNY CAN YOU BE SHIT MAN!

Lavi: *Jumps back and looks at Allen seeing his horrified look*

Allen: *Jumps off and gets dressed*

Lavi: *Does the same*

Candy: Meet us in the lobby in five and make it snappy!

Choco: Sweets out! *Television turns off*

Lavi & Allen: *Walk out*

Allen: *Finally gaining his senses back and starts limping* we are going to pretend nothing happened in there.

Lavi: But Candy&Choco saw and probably have it on tape.

Allen: Fuck. *Arrive where everyone is and sit on one of the many couches*

Candy: Finally we're all here so we're doing this real quick because running out of time.

Choco: Yes we're going to do some magic with Vira-chan to do a quick game!

Candy: So get ready Vira-chan you ready.

Vira-chan: yup! Glitter~!

*Suddenly Glitter surrounds everyone and it starts doing something but no one actually knows. Glitter is gone and everyone sees they've shrunk*

Lavi: Allen is now a real Moyashi~!

Allen: *Starts choking him*

Candy&Choco: Well get ready to the lava game! And everyone is playing!

Everyone: What won't we die!

Candy: No it'll just burn you a bit.

Choco: Lava will be surrounding us and some live fireballs will jump up to get you more and more until time runs out.

Lenalee: H-How long is the time.

Choco: Maybe 60 seconds.

Candy: Now to get it ready going up. *Throws snow and red colored powder around everyone and when the powder goes away they are suddenly on flat SquareIsland surrounded by Lava.

Candy&Choco: Ready, set, GO~! *Suddenly a giant fireball jumps on the island and everyone freaks out seeing as it has EYES*

Kanda: Stupid fire! *Tries to cut fire but instead the fireball moves closer to Kanda and sends him flying upward burned*

Lenalee: Kanda! *Looks up to see Kanda's long gone. And the fire suddenly split in two and gets a little faster.

Lavi: Holy shit! *Runs away from both*

Road: *Pushes Tyki in it* Ha loser.

Tyki: *Gets burned and sent flying upward. And the fire splits in four*

Choco: 40 seconds~!

Allen: *Limps around quickly but the fire splits in eight and Allen gets burned which sends him upwards*

Lavi: Allen! *Doesn't notice the fire sneak up behind him and burns him sending him upwards*

Noname-chan: *Pushes Pina-chan and Vira-chan in the fire which sends them flying* I will win!

Star-chan: NOPE~! *Pushes Noname-chan in fireball which sends her flying*

Jimy & Saul: Shit how could we get cornered? *Gets burned because the fire cornered them*

Candy&Choco: Did they seriously just get burned. *Notice the fire split to sixteen.* and 10 SECONDS LEFT!

Road: *Pushes Lenalee in the fire because she did something similar a while back*

Choco: 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 FINISHED! *The fire goes out immediately and the lava cools after a while*

Some random voice: Winners are Road, Star-chan, Candy and Choco!

Everyone: Who the fuck is that! *Turn to Candy&Choco*

Candy&Choco: I don't even know man.

Candy: Well that's us writing crack hoped you enjoyed it!

Choco: And if you want to be here as our lovely guests just pm us okay! Oh AND PLEASE REVIEW!

Lavi, Allen, Tyki, Kanda: Have they finally gone nuts.

* * *

OMAKE

Candy: wait I feel like I forgot something.

Everyone: TO MAKE US BACK TO THE ORIGINAL SIZE!

Candy: Vira-chan will do that it feels like something else

Abyss-chan: *is normal size and jumps out of air vent*

Everyone: DID SHE EVEN PLAY!

Abyss-chan: WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT *pulls out cupcake cannon* COME OUT WHERE EVER YOU ARE IM NOT AFRAID TO USE THIS!

Candy: We should get back to our original size before Abyss-chan decides to smash us with cupcakes.


End file.
